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08-31-2007, 03:04 AM | #1 |
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pasadena, Texas
Posts: 2,117
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
A cowboy from Texas gets pulled over by an Arizona DPS Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies." "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and asks, "Are you callin' me a horse's ass?" "No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass." "That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though!" |
08-31-2007, 10:09 AM | #2 |
Sr. Contributor
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
LOL! good one lw
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I love my Victory Cross Country Tour 106. Smells like Victory! Ultra's are Limited There are two types of Harley riders. Those that trailer them and those that push them. The most Interesting Man in the World "Find the things in life you don't do well and don't do those things" Member # 0005 |
08-31-2007, 10:18 AM | #3 |
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture
when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows........ Now give me back my dog." |
08-31-2007, 10:34 AM | #4 |
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Jefferson City, MO
Posts: 6,272
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
WM, that great! lmao!
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Jeff Platz VBA #0002 VBA VP-Global B.A.C.A. Hoss 2005 "StrongBear" Black/Silver Todd and BD |
08-31-2007, 10:47 AM | #5 |
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Taylor Tx
Posts: 1,831
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
aint that the truth :-/
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08-31-2007, 11:05 AM | #6 |
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
A Texan and an Englishman were in a restroom each using a urinal. The Englishman finished first walked over to the sink and started washing his hands. About this time the Texan got done and headed straight for the door. The Englishman turned his head and said "In England, we wash our hands after using the restroom." The Texan responded "In Texas, we don't piss on our hands!"
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08-31-2007, 11:06 PM | #7 |
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Calls 'em like he sees 'em. . .
hehehehe
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