The Irish-French War

[AlabamaNomadRider]

The French President is sitting in

his office when his telephone

rings.












'Hallo,

Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said.

'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in

County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform you

that we are officially declaring war on you! We

voted to reject the Lisbon

treaty!'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This

is indeed important news! How big is your

army?'











'Right now,' says Paddy, after a

moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me

Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and

the entire darts team from the pub. That makes

eleven!'





Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you,

Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army

waiting to move on my

command.'





'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to

ring you back.'





Sure enough, the next day, Paddy

calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on.

We have managed to get us some infantry

equipment!'





'And what equipment would that be

Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.





'Well, we have two combines, a

bulldozer, and Murphy's farm

tractor.'





Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell

you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000

armored personnel carriers. Also, I have

increased my army to 150,000 since we last

spoke.'





'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy.

'I'll have to get back to

you.'





Sure enough, Paddy rings again the

next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We

have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have

modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a

couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys

from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as

well!'






Sarkozy was silent for a minute and

then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you,

Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter

planes. My military bases are surrounded by

laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And

since we last spoke, I have increased my army to

200,000!'





'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says

Paddy, 'I will have to ring you

back.'





Sure enough, Paddy calls again the

next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am

sorry to inform you that we have had to call off

the war.'





'Really? I am sorry to hear that,'

says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of

heart?'







'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long

chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of

crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way

we can feed 200,000 prisoners.