Thanks to Everyone

ridemslow · 11-14-2010, 02:33 PM

As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. ::)
I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. ::)
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. ::)
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. ::)
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. ???
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. ::)
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. ::)
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. :)
I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. ???
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. ::)
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. ::)
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. ???
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. ::)
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. ::)
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life. ::)
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. ::)
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. ::)
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise. ::)
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . ::)
I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. ???
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a .25 cent coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. ::)
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. ::)
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex-mother-in-laws second husbands cousins best friends beautician . .. . ??? ::)

Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, its too late. :-[
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.
Have A Great Day!!! ;)

Loafer · 11-14-2010, 03:47 PM

Your Welcome.

**ringadingh** · 11-14-2010, 09:02 PM

Glad to be of assistance!

AlabamaNomadRider · 11-15-2010, 12:25 PM

I think that covers all of them and some I hadn't been warned about. I am sending this out to as many people as I can as fast as I can. I sure don't want any of this stuff to happen to me. You did say to send it to 144,000 people, right?

Stump · 11-16-2010, 09:43 PM

Sounds like someone has a very bad problem to me .

11-14-2010, 02:33 PM	#1
ridemslow Sr. Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Chesapeake, Ohio Posts: 1,537	Thanks to Everyone As we progress through the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. ::) I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. ::) I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. ::) I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. ::) I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose. Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. ??? I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. ::) I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. ::) I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. :) I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. ??? I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. ::) I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. ::) THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. ??? I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. ::) I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. ::) AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life. ::) I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. ::) I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. ::) I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise. ::) And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . ::) I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe. THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. ??? AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a .25 cent coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over. I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. ::) I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. ::) If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex-mother-in-laws second husbands cousins best friends beautician . .. . ??? ::) Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, its too late. :-[ P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet. Have A Great Day!!! ;) __________________

11-14-2010, 03:47 PM	#2
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Thanks to Everyone Your Welcome. __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

11-14-2010, 09:02 PM	#3
ringadingh Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada Posts: 35,387	Thanks to Everyone Glad to be of assistance! __________________ 2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951

11-15-2010, 12:25 PM	#4
AlabamaNomadRider Sr. Contributor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Boaz, Alabama Posts: 13,742	Thanks to Everyone I think that covers all of them and some I hadn't been warned about. I am sending this out to as many people as I can as fast as I can. I sure don't want any of this stuff to happen to me. You did say to send it to 144,000 people, right? __________________ Gene Cross, Jr. Boaz, Alabama KawaNOW/VBA #1181

11-16-2010, 09:43 PM	#5
Stump Sr. Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Scottown ohio Posts: 1,225	Thanks to Everyone Sounds like someone has a very bad problem to me . __________________ Everyday is a holiday when you love your job, And if you don't you live in a nightmare.