How do you deal with the loss of a child?

[coacha]

A very close friend and his wife are going through a tough time now. Their 25 year old son decided that the trials of this world where too much to deal with and shot himself in the head last night. My "brother" and I took them from the scene to Gainesville and stayed with them till around 4 a.m. last night before we needed to go.

This morning, when I talked to his wife, she said that they would be disconnecting all of the various machines that they have on him some time this afternoon and "let him go to sleep".

I don't know what to do my brothers. As I write this I can barely see the screen through my tears. I have know this family for over 20 years, worked countless hours with the father, watched as their son befriended my sons and played with them for hours on end. Now I have to witness his mother and father searching for answers to something they may never find understanding for happening.

I apologize to any of you that find this inappropriate for this sight but I needed to vent. I am so upset, angry, sad and I don't know what I can say or do to help other than offer my presence to do what ever they need. I've never felt so useless.

[kawgirl]

Wow Ron. That is definitely a hard one to deal with. There are no real answers as to what to say, what to do. You can be there when they need a friend to listen or to help with things that may arise in the future. I know for me, prayer is the best way I know to find guidance.

We're here for you.

[trip]

All you can do Ron is be there for them.....as much as you can. Sometimes, just being there and not saying a word is good enough.

Other than that, there really is nothing you can do. You didn't cause it and you couldn't have prevented it. All too many times this happens. I have a co-worker that lost her only daughter to a car wreck.

The Texas DPS came to our office, pulled her to the side and told her. I can still hear her screaming, "Why? Why? Why?......she was the only thing I had". My youngest son was the same age and went to high school with her daughter. Two years later, she still tears up at work.

They will probably never get over loosing their son. Be there and help as much as you can.

[Cajunrider]

I'm so very sorry to hear this Ron. It is so common to hear this these days but when it hits this close to home it makes it that much harder to understand. My second son threatened suicide when he and his wife separated and divorced nearly 10 years ago. He was in that state of mind for a couple of weeks before he finally started coming out of it. This family will need lots of prayers for a long time to come. My condolences go out to you and the family. God bless them during this tremendous trial.

[watchman]

Although suicide affects others it is a very personal decision. And usually we all feel guilty because we did not see the signs leading up to the action. Most people talk about suicide wanting help or attention. Those that don't openly speak about it are deeply troubled and keep there thoughts and actions to themselves as I believe this young man most likely did.

We parents although wanting the best for our children don't often pry into there lives as we don't understand the things they are going through just as our parents did not understand us. As you stated the pressures of this world now is so different than the when we grew up.

I would tell your friends that even tho' this happened it did not mean that there son did not feel loved by them. He was just in a frame of mind where he could not think about how much he was hurting anyone but himself. Tell them that you are sure he loved them both but just could not stand his internal pain and stress anymore. Assure them he is in a better place where this world can not hurt him anymore. And then don't be afraid to cry with them!

I am sorry for their and your loss!

Watchman

[oldbikers]

There is really not much you can say and the same for me all I can do is tell you that Bea and I are praying for your family and his I just wish there was something any of us could do at a time like this and I don't think you every get over losing a child.

[Yellow Jacket]

PM sent.

Bob

[chainsaw]

Phil: 4-13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Just be there for them and our prayer are with the family.

[audiogooroo]

Been there Ron, with my nephew in 2005.
There are no easy answers and I agree that the best thing you can do for your friend is just be there. Be available. I don't think anyone ever truly gets over that sort of pain, but over time you make friends with it. I will pray for you and your family as well as your friend and his family.I am so sorry.

[waterman]

My wife's sister-in-law had the same thing happen to her only son. This was prior to my knowing my wife, however we have discussed this on a time or two. It is difficult to know what to do or say. The biggest thing you can do is be there for them and listen and lend a shoulder to cry on because this will happen. Once the funeral is over will be the most difficult. People will be around them during that time period but it will dwindle over time and that is probably the time they will need you the most.

Parents will never know exactly why a child did this and they will continually question themselves as to what they could have done. In most cases, there was nothing they could have done to stop this. However, they will always have that question and you need to reassure them that it was out of their hands.

Prayer for the family.

[cactusjack]

My youngest son (18) has known 2 or 3 people who have taken their own lives in the past year or so. Personally, I can't imagine how things could just be so bad that you don't see any other possible solution.

I can't think of anything worse than losing one of my three sons. I hope I never find out.

Condolences to you and your friend and his family. I am truly sorry for your/their loss.

[landman]

our prayers are with you and the family.whatever you do,never tell them that you know how they feel.

[ringadingh]

My next door neighbours son did the same thing about ten years ago, I didn't know what to say or do then and I still don't.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all involved.

[strobe]

One of our oldest family friend had their daughter take her own life in their garage while they were gone for a day a couple years ago. It is so very hard to come to terms with the reasoning for those left behind even to this day at times.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends in this difficult time.

[beezer]

That's such a shame. My son would have been 26 now but only lived for 13 days. With all those memories it must be extremely hard on them.