UPS Fix it Request

[jmorrow]

UPS "fix it requests"

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember
it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only
a high school diploma to fix one, reassurance
for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a
form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells
mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on
the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with
an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline
that has never, ever, had an accident. < BR> ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very
rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this
aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode
produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing
gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. ;
S: DME volume set to more believable
level.

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers
to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this
one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
&nb sp;
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last........ .........


P: Noise coming from under instrument
panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[beezer]

was it my friend Craig from the Gun Club?

[ringadingh]

You cant beat a good straightforward answer to a question.

[dakals]

LMAO!!!!!!