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06-03-2013, 09:15 PM | #1 |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
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New Company Policies
Effective Immediately
Company Policy: Dress Code: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management Team
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Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
06-07-2013, 09:06 PM | #2 |
Sr. Contributor
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Sounds like the world we live in.
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Gene Cross, Jr. Boaz, Alabama KawaNOW/VBA #1181 |
06-08-2013, 11:02 PM | #3 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Clarksville, TN
Posts: 1,434
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Hey Gerry, I thought I saw you working down on the 4th floor! Welcome to the team!
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Jerry "Old Bear" Barker Clarksville, TN Americas Guardians PS MC President, Tennessee 16-A VBA #02203 "Blaze" 2017 Vaquero "Black Magic" 2011 Vaquero, 69k miles, handed down to my son for hopefully many more miles! |
06-09-2013, 06:22 AM | #4 |
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada
Posts: 35,387
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I once worked for a place that timed our bathroom breaks....
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2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951 |
06-09-2013, 08:02 AM | #5 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Itchycoo Park
Posts: 3,422
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Loafer, you think that company is tough. I asked for a day off and here's their reply!
So you want a day off huh? Well, let's just take a look at what you're asking for, ok? There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you've used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you're gonna take that day off! |
06-09-2013, 05:32 PM | #6 | |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
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Quote:
Holy Crap! Glad I never worked there!!
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Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
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06-09-2013, 06:45 PM | #7 |
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Montreal QC
Posts: 12,034
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Screw it, I quit.
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Norm Ward 2008 blue / silver nomad kawanow / VBA #01136 |
06-10-2013, 06:48 AM | #8 |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
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GD slave drivers, there all alike!
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Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
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